4 Elements...Art & Life Balance

Come See the New Place!

2006-01-19T10:30:00.000-05:00

Here is a link to my new blog.

I will try to separate everything nursey from here to there. It was inevitable. I don't think artists and appreciators of art would like to hear so much about medical mdical tribulations. If you would, though, you can visit it there.

This is the day

2005-12-17T08:17:00.000-05:00

Saturday.

I graduate from college today.

Which, then, allows me reflection on what has occurred over the past two years, and where I might be headed.

The bowling balls are sold. I have a few collectibles...ones that have titles attached to them, plus two or three others. I might have thought I was insane, but now I have no attachment to my recent past. I love the sport, mind you. The one-track mindedness, the focus on personal goals, etc. What I don't like is the requirement (still) for me to flip through pages of my monthly Bowlers Journal and just get upset. How could I be moving forward, and the sport I love get trapped in not moving ahead at all? Its the same old, same old. New faces (sometimes) promoting the same old things. No wonder.....never mind.

I am headed to nursing school in January. Got accepted just after Thanksgiving. More sleepless or almost sleepless nights ahead of studying and worrying about grades, etc. I look forward to it, though. I have forward direction now.

I somehow managed a "B" in Algebra. Must have done really well on my final. Kinda like striking out in the tenth to win a title, but more private. I like it a lot. So, now it is off to Chemistry in January...

Work is wonderful now. I love the hospital life. It is an extended family for me. There is a real-ness to it. I am also past the awkward stage of training and can fit into the flow of the group now during patient treatment. I can anticipate actions, see what needs to be done before being asked. I also am aware I can have days of fumbling, still, though.

I realize I made this blog for beads and my art, and my balance. I wonder if I should move these words to another blog, since beads never seem to be the focus?

With the holidays and the end of another year, I hope everyone is safe and healthy. I almost feel like it is now Christmas Eve, when I was a child; anticipating the joy. It doesn't matter what I get. It is the process I love. The school books are bought, the graduation gown is steamed and ready to go. Let's walk....

My how time flies...

2005-12-05T14:32:00.000-05:00

December, and I realize I haven't blogged in a while. Here goes the update:
-"Kermit" (see below) is getting a paint job thanks to Santa Tommy. One notch above "Mary Kay Pink" on the darkness scale. Now I realize I will have to give Kermit a new name. It should be done later this week, and I will have photos then..

-Finals week: Taking a break from studying at this time. Algebra has been the ever-occuring thorn in my side. I must must must get a 70+ on my final to pass the course, or it is back to Algebra next semester. Both Micro and Algebra finals on Thursday this week.

-Another Christmas present: 60g new IPOD...got the last one at ala Target last night.

-Got accepted into Nursing Transition program for January 9th start. Tought this time, something like 50 or so LPN's and medics attempting to get into the 15 spots. I was one of the lucky ones. All the ducks are in a row, books are bought (+$500!) Only 12 months total after Paramedic school. I felt lighter than air for the first week after the acceptance letter....almost like making a show on Wednesday night after match play was over. A combination of relief, pride, and happiness all balled together. I will be an RN by the Summer of 2007....

-Beads...yes, well played on the torch a bit recently. Getting my feet wet again; just trying to make something ROUND at this point! 22 knobs to start on soon for the new remodeled kitchen. Uugh.

-Got a few emails from bowling fans recently, including a few autographed photo requests and a radio interview. It is funny to be signing autographs at this point. Strange. I guess people want some stocking stuffers for the holidays......

My favorite blog...

2005-10-22T19:38:00.000-04:00

...at the moment is "The Underwear Drawer." It is a wonderful journal wandering through the life of a woman in the field of medicine. I also can relate to the "Scutmonkey" section, and I am threatening all of my ED Tech coworkers a Scutmonkey souvenir.

"Code Purple, Phase I" now in effect at the hospital. What this means is I work, as normally scheduled, on Monday. What changes is (maybe) my Tuesday foray into Algebra Test Review at the college. I may have to work, which will pose it's own possible problems. Wilma is on the way, but here in Brevard County it is mostly just a "bring the plants in" type of storm. I will spend my tomorrow morning doing this, picture me in the yard, running around like a chicken, mumbling while picking up various pieces of loose lumber, trash, rubbermaid containers, and other odd assortments which previously delegated us the "Sanford & Son" of the neighborhood. We are working to improve this stature. Well, it IS a distraction from Algebra homework. (Procastinator Kimberly quote.)

Yes, these are real quotes for you entertainment, which I personally witnessed in the past few days...

"Complaint" lines filled in on the form in ED Reception: "My balls are sor"
"My heart hurts but it doesn't hurt now."
"Chest pain for 3 years."
and my personal, succinct favorite, "Sick."

Overheard patient states why she has finger pain....
....."What happened?"
....."I dropped something heavy on my hand."
....."What was heavy?"
....."A roll of toilet paper."

Well, this did end up being a fracture. Poor lady. Then I found out it was one of those giant industrial size rolls for public places. Aaah, ok. That made sense.

I do not hear anything regarding my Nursing School application until around Thanksgiving. So, I sit and make plans for PA School "just in case" I don't get in for January. I will continue more prereqs from January through the Fall of next year if all else fails.

My Scooter gets a name? Here's a photo:

And, the name shall be, forevermore, "Kermit."

It's not easy being green....

Vacation!

2005-10-10T06:27:00.000-04:00

Well, of some sort. It's not "vacation" in the traditional sense of the word-planes, trains automobiles, nice hotel or campground, sites to see, etc. College let out Friday with built-in "hurricane days" that were not used this season. Mind you (as to not jinx Brevard County, Florida) hurricane season is not over yet...a few more weeks ahead of us. But, after last year's 3 in a row for us, and a loss of precious college days to Red Cross shelters, they factored it into the schedule that these days would be used just in case. Well, so now instead we all have a few days respite. Friday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. I scheduled work around this, and now also am free from work until Wednesday as well. The largest smile came Thursday when I completed the dreaded Algebra test. I will see how I did the ends of this week, but there comes a relief just with finishing it.

So, what to do with my time? Manicures, massages, travel? Well, no. Did I ever mention that not including honeymoons, my true "vacation" times have been about three times? Once one my own in a free long weekend to Flagstaff, Arizona, where I went to the Grand Canyon on my own, and once about three years ago when Tommy and I ended up in upstate NY, and to Tokyo for a total of three days last year. Some might say the better part of my fifteen years on tour were a "vacation." Tommy will also argue with me that days in between travel stops on tour and breaks in Tour "swings" where we would travel to a different city each week constitute "vacations" as well. I counter with the fact I would be practicing and working out, visiting bowling centers, bowling business-regular "stuff" I did because I had to and it was part of the job, and if I was busy with this that it fit more into the "have to" instead of the vacation catagory of "want to." We would end up in some wonderful places, though: Mt. Charleston, NV, Breckenridge, CO, Tuscon, AZ, Chicago. And, there were be what others would deem as "weekend-type days," where I would get to do some wonderful things as well. Am I too needy in wanting more than one or two days?

So, now life is spun in a more "regular" direction, and weekends are savored when free, days are spent avoiding the traffic grind...and I am trying to fill free moments. So, I spent most of the past few days....taa daa, adding a retaining wall to the house's front landscaping. Hauling blocks from Lowes, pulling up sod, leveling soil, hauling soil, planting new plants. I weighed working out with the possibility of receiving a natural outdoor workout by killing 2 birds and making the front of the house prettier. Now, I awake at odd hours today with leg cramping! lol! Well, this IS something I CHOSE to do. A whole weekend, and it still isn't done. Now this is something I hate to see-a half-done yard project. But, I am also completing a list of "things I haven't done since school," to play around with: scooter rides, read a book (not textbook,) go to the mall and just walk, shop for clothes, make some beads. Now, one or two days is a welcome guest.

So, there is my vacation. Someday I might get to see Maui, go to San Francisco, enjoy the Seattle rain, go to Tuscany, Arcadia National Park, Yellowstone, Alaska...but for now I love where I and the fact that vacations are in a less traditional way. I would like to be here please?!....SW Alaska.....mmm..... no retaining walls.

Suck it Up

2005-10-04T06:59:00.000-04:00

College Algebra still sits in front of me. I should be studying it now. I am the great procrastinator when it comes to the complicated issues like College Algebra vs. ego.

I have waited to see how things go on Thursday's test on functions and graphs before dropping the class may happen. So, I study (or procrastinate) throughout this week as best as I can. I have never studied so much for something to work toward a potential C or B in my life. It was bound to happen sooner or later in some class I am taking, though. My ego has a hard time understanding this. But, like Tommy says, I only have to get through the class ONCE in my life, and then it is done. I have to see how many days are left nd start the countdown!

Microbiology is easy and fun for me. Psychology of Personal Effectiveness is a close second. Speech is an easy class, but I still find that little voice saying to me "But you ALREADY have a waiver for this class, silly...why do you have to take it?" I am taking it in case I need to go to any other college other than BCC-where the waiver will not fly.

Work is work. I have moments of unbelievable displays of life and positive attitude in human nature, and then the very next second the flipside of this. Good for anyone of solid temperment, but I am still in my period of stress recovery. In fact, in my Psych class we needed to take a stress test and report our results to the class. My number was over 700-one of the highest in the class (and I was NOT trying to be competitive!) Recent death in the family...check. Recent family serious illnesses...check check. Recent change in work and leaving past work..check. All examples for high scores. So, I take moments to breath a bit more. Try to look at my watch a bit less. Listen to that bird sing before getting to my car to go home. Take River Drive at 25mph on the way home and look at all the nice homes with their lights on inside. The little moments.

I am now stopping my procastination and getting back to the dang Algebra...

Decisions

2005-09-29T18:35:00.000-04:00

Stepping back now.

I believe I have decided to withdraw from my College Algebra. This will put me "behind" on the "schedule" for the future of my life, but I have decided it is more important to live a little mor ein the present. I cannot take Chemistry in January. I will be delayed for potential PA School. Oh well. This is my place right now.

Needing a well-deserved break, I look toward working out again and doing a bit of meditating again. The workout clothes are bought. The loveseat, books, altar are in the studio.

Fall is close in the air. I bought a pumpkin today. Barley soup is on the stove. Now, if we could only get a bit of that 65 degree weather in the Florida air.

Here's a favorite pic of the moment:

Lance Armstrong and Rex. Rex got prime treatment recently with heart valve surgery in Colorado-daddy would pay anything for his babies to be healthy!

I just reread my award letter for my scholarship for this semester. An awards luncheon is in October, which I must attend. Browsing the names on the Board of Governors for the BCC Foundations is.....Lance Armstrong! Not that I expect to see him at the luncheon or anything...but a girl can dream, right?

The Cycle

2005-09-27T06:03:00.000-04:00

This has been my week.

I got sick: tonsilitis. I then spent precious time at a new primary physician answering all the historical questions about my health. Then precious time (and money) ordering the prescriptions. Then precious time taking the medication and becoming anything in between loopy, sleepy, or any of the other 5 dwarves. Then time at work, with four days straight of twelve hour shifts. People with the same afflictions as me, crying and writhing in "pain" in front of me in the waiting room (and yet, here I am, working to see them,) and people much far worse off than me as well. Each ending day I was exhausted in every way. I dreamt of work, too, for the precious amount of time I slept. Oh yeah, I also got to take my Nursing Entrance Test while in my loopy state. I am researching other nursing options in case my test reveals I am at the bottom of the pecking order for choice entrants. Taking the speed reading portion also posed an interesting feat with my double vision. My handheld computer, with all my necessary info about my life, my schedule, and what I needed to remember, also got "sick" with what is called "screen bleed." It means everything on the screen cannot be seen because it looks like an etch-O-sketch gone awry. I had so little energy when it was discovered, my only response was "Oh. Great...oh well."

So, now it is seven days later.

I haven't cracked a textbook in almost a week, and no I am feverishly attempting to catch up. I hate being behind. I am considering what classes I may drop with a "W". I am also considering how much of my life I really want to sacrifice on a regular basis to studying for the next umpteen years. This recent sh*t has made it truly apparent how little of a life I have, and I desperately need a vacation to reenergize. All work and no play has made Kim a dull girl. I think of the things I have to do, and nothing of what I want to do. I do not want every spare moment to be about school and studying...if I think like this right now I get behind.

I do believe Tommy, my husband, has a sense of what is going on here. I came home last night to my handheld having a repair order, the house is vacuumed, the lawn mowed. These are classicly Kim tasks. How I love him....

Summer of 2003...

2005-09-11T11:24:00.000-04:00

...Me and my husband Tommy visited Shanksville PA. Hand painted signs and well travelled gravel led us to the parking lot of the temporary memorial site for Flight 93. One solitairy chain link fence sits high above a bluff of cornfields. The wind wips through, and the sounds of the flags are about the only sounds you hear. One or two volunteers man a station to answer your questions. You walk with respectful silence. Gifts and messages litter every imaginable place-even large pebbles in the parking lot. These two photos are from our memories of that day. The "bleeding heart," as I call it, was a message left by a schoolchild, then rained upon. One of my favorite photos ever. The tears roll; a truly moving experience in its simpleness...

Don't they come in threes?

2005-09-07T18:38:00.000-04:00

Here's a pic of my upcoming birthday present:

Then,
1. Father in law sick: in hospital, out of hospital
2. Uncle lives in New Orleans (he's out...in Houston now)
3. Mother in law has heart attack..still in the hospital
4. Sunday: I sprain my wrist and injured my back in a scooter mishap. (she weighs 350lbs..)

This has been a long ten days.

I stay home from work for a much-needed day of rest and rehab. Have been napping about every three hours. Guess I needed the catchup.

Algebra test, Micro Quiz, and maybe my motorcycle permit test tomorrow. Maybe I should wait on that motorcycle test..

If I am real ambitious, it is out to the studio to work on some beads. But, haven't been feel real ambitious lately.....

The other side

2005-08-25T09:34:00.000-04:00

A family member is in the hospital at the moment. I have spent a good deal of time there, sitting in the room, making him as comfortable as I can. I see how the nurses work, how much time passes, how fast/slow the doctors and nurses walk. I shift to the tech side, trying hard to not be "needy," not ask for too much, not stare out the door while they work. I shift to student side, thinking about my family member's diseases, and what really can be done for someone who is 92 years old. I go back to my volunteer mode, helping myself to the blanket warmer, restocking it from the linen closet.

My husband relayed to me a profound statement after my needed debriefing from a long day at work recently. He said I needed to experience all aspects of the healing process to become the best caregiver possible. And, here I am, absorbing another side of the puzzle.

A Day in the Life...

2005-08-18T06:14:00.000-04:00

Student Kimberly
5:45: awaken
6:15: on the computer for personal business
6:30: shower
7:00: study microbiology, paramedic, and/or algebra
10:30: leave for class
10:50: algebra class
12:00: lunch/algebra homework
1:00: microbiology class
4:00: home/take care of personal errands
5:00: dinner/studying
8:00: relax-bit of television?
9:30: bed

Paramedic Kimberly
5:00:awaken, shower, breakfast
6:15: on the road to work
7:00: start of work day at the hospital
11:00: snack (if lucky)
1:30: lunch (if lucky)
7:23: off work
8:00: home, unwind
9:30: bed

Bowler Kim (just for memory-sake folks) regular competition day
6:00:awaken
7:00: inside bowl to work out bowling balls newly drilled, gather and hide ashtrays, watch laneman
8:00: breakfast, television, website updates
8:45: inside bowl to move balls to starting pair, rollcall
9:45: start of practice
10:00: start of competition
1:30: lunch, break, order new balls, change ball surfaces for night round, "game plan"
3:00-4:00: nap
4:15: change of clothes, hair and makeup
4:45: practice session
5:00: start of competition
8:30: move balls to paddock, new game plan, new equipment ordering, new surfaces
9:00: "unwind" (sounds silly to even type this)
10:30: bed

A Wedding Story....

2005-08-13T19:54:00.000-04:00

Once upon a time, a boy and a girl were headed from the courthouse to see the preacher to get married. They were involved in a motor vehicle accident, and although both were OK, they were both unable to make their important appointment. Alas, they could not schedule another appointment before the boy was deployed in the military in three days.

In the hospital, an idea was born. Why not get the hospital preacher to marry them? Quick, find a bouquet of flowers, a bottle of hairspray, someone with a digital camera, a singer, a cake. Clear the girl's C-Spine, and get the boy a scrub top, stat!

So, between Major Care room 13 and Minor care room 6, two people were married one fine Thursday afternoon. For a brief moment, the hustle and bustle of the Emergency Department stopped, wiped a tear of joy in the promise and hope of this couple's future.

It was a fine day, indeed.

Cremains

2005-08-10T09:08:00.000-04:00

Going to try to make some beads today. Been working at the hospital so much lately, I haven't had much time for anything else, including studying. I crammed Algebra into my brain for the final exam hours before, and dropped my overall average from a high "A" ot a "B" in one test. Miserable day. My other classes faired well-Summer grades are posted today: Anatomy:A, Sociology:A. Get a week "off" until next week's Fall term starts. Paramedic FL Certification is August 30th, so I am trying to study for this, too.

The focus for my beads now is a solemn one. I had been asked by a friend to make a bead to remember her father, who passed a few years back. She gave me some ashes, and asked if they could be designed into the bead. I had actually brought this topic up recently with the passing of my brother in-law, and had read a few listings on some lampwork sites; it is possible to do. For some this is a strange topic. If done correctly, this could be a beautiful remembrance. I am just a bit nervous "getting it right," so I have been working on basics-shapes, colors, etc, when I get the chance.

August for me is always a "remembrance" month, anyway. My father and others have passed in August, so I go through waves of emotions in this month, anyway. This may be part of the reason why I want to get this bead made during this time, and also why lately I come home from work emotionally drained.

So, it's Wednesday, and I have a lot to do....

Anniversaries

2005-07-31T19:40:00.000-04:00

I spend moments reflecting on anniversaries (more than others?) Tomorrow is my Sparky's 1 year anniversary of his passing. He died in my arms, at home. He was an old kitty. He was filled with personality. He was the one that had been there for me: during my dad's passing in 1988, during my divorce in 1994, during my wedding plans to Tommy, during my wins on tour, under my feet next to the fan in the motorhome during our hot traveling days in the motorhome on tour, during my crying bouts with the tour ending, during my studying days in EMT-B school. He was mine. There through it all. He was the one. Now he's gone, and it's a year later, and things again are changing again for me. Today I released many of my bowling students from their Sunday lessons: I have to prioritize my life so as to not be in the same situation 6 months ago with 2 hours of sleep a night. I will miss them, too. They were my bowling inspiration. But, I need this change ot move forward. I am out of paramedic school now-awaiting my state test August 29th.

August is a tough month anyway. Like in the Northeast in February-awaiting the end of Winter, we here in FL await cooler temperatures coming in September-hopefully w/o hurricanes attached. I also await my second August-week blues which hit me every year due to my father's passing. When does the pain end? I am not sure it ever does. But, with pain I certainly can compare exhilaration and joy much more clearly.

I release the old to discover the new...

"Daily Themes"

2005-07-30T07:41:00.000-04:00

It is strange how days at the hospital seem to develop themes to the sickness, or chief complaints, of the patients. I have been recently focusing my time working in minor care, where we see a mix of bumps, pulls, lacerations, fractures, and headaches. The "major stuff", such as MI's, seizures, etc., go to a different area of the department. Each area tends to develop its own theme for each day.

Yesterday for me it was..."Staple removal." At the start of the day, I had never used this fun tool. By the end of the day I was an expert at it. Five patients-and most interestingly, the first one I did on my own was to remove staples from a C-section. When you get thrown into something new, I just feign confidence so as to not scare away the patient. The last thing a patient needs to know is that this is the first time you have done something. Same thing goes for observing while a PA or NP or DR does his thing. It's all about confidence. For the patient, that is. I watch, then ask my questions outside the room. That's a lesson I learned in paramedic school-you don't lie to the patient when they ask, "Are you good at IV's?" and they are looking at you with the "eyes." You say something like, "Oh YES I am.... (while thinking in small print...well, yes, I was good on my practice partner in class...)" I then realize after successfully completing the new task (in my head) that it really wasn't as big a deal as I thought it would be.

Other recent daily themes:
boils/abcesses
lacerations
fractured left pinky finger (yes, really)
pediatric major cases
"everybody gets a lumbar puncture" day of bacterial meningitis

Fedex Woes...

2005-07-29T07:46:00.000-04:00

So, I purchased a Tungsten T5 from Ebay from a reputable seller. Three weeks ago.

I see yesterday morning Fedex has it on the truck to be delivered. Yay!

I stop everything all day to sit in my front office-keep an eye on the road out front (in case they miss the house.) Don't even make beads in the back studio for fear of missing them.

7:30pm, no Fedex. My husband calls customer service after we see online it was "denied by sender." The customer service person says this too. Says they have initials "JB" who initialed this. He recants it after we said we state how we stopped our day to wait for this package. He then says it was "recalled by the sender." So, we call the Ebay seller, just up the road about 100 miles in Jacksonville. HE calls Fedex to deny he ever did this. Now Fedex says they don't know WHERE my package is....maybe Rockledge FL, I don't know. Now, if they could deliver it today, it would be great. I have work today, and don't want a $400 package left outside all day to the FL elements. Plus, they are claiming it must go back to the sender soon if not picked up. Now, I must race to Fedex after 8am class before work to claim my missing pkg before it heads back to Jacksonville....it sounds all like because the driver got too late with his deliveries last night. I want someone's head for THIS one. Nice customer service... uuugh. I must BREATHE.

The Beginning...

2005-07-28T16:30:00.000-04:00

First real day my new site, my new logo, my first Ebay auction are up and running. I am a bit nervous...not because I believe things will not work out, but because it is a big step to jump back into bead-land in a way that I believe represents ME. You see, a few years ago, under the name "kimbocreations," I made a small name for myself in the beadmakers world, then promptly disappeared. Mostly because I really needed to concentrate on my bowling career, but also because it became more about the money, the business of beads, which is NOT the direction I wanted. I did a few shows did some Ebay, and found myself searching for "whatever was hot right now" to jump on the artistic bandwagon. I lost my vision. I vowed to not return until I was right, until the time was right. So, here I am, a few years older and now headed in a new direction in my life.
I never left being a fan of some designers that have carved their artistic niche, and it has been interesting to see how lampworking has just exploded over just the past few years. I live in Cocoa, Florida, and when I started, there was literally me and another lady Terri in the entire county making and selling beads! Now there is a beadmaker with her own store in Cocoa Village, and Art Glass House sells lampworking glass and tools just 4 minutes from my house! My, how times have changed.
My first set back, and now up for auction, is appropriate because of my personal feelings regarding Lance Armstrong. In watching "All that is Lance" over the past few months, one thing is for sure: his work ethic and planning forged cycling into a whole new era of quality. It is this for which I am reminded that it is about the training, the work ethic, and the discipline to find excellence EVERY day of my life, which will propel me in my own forward direction with my beads. From this one reaps the rewards of life.